Missing you.

"If I had just one wish It would be a stairway, that reached up to heaven, so I could bring u home"

Four years ago I was a senior in high school. Winter break had just ended and we were all heading back to school to knock out our last semester and then graduate. There were mixed feelings about coming back to school; excited to see faces we didn't over break, bummed to have to wake up early, and hoping that the final bell would ring soon. Usually the first day back isn't a tough one, but this day was different.

I headed to Marine Biology like I did every other day, but noticed that my friend Marc wasn't in class. Yes he was late sometimes, but only a couple minutes IF that. So of course I text him to see where he was thinking that maybe he overslept. First hour went by, still Marc didn't show up. Then I head to my second class, English 102, which I also had with Marc. Again, he wasn't there. In English, Marc and I were the only ones who sat in our row of three desks so of course I notice when he isn't there. I also noticed that certain other students in our "corner" weren't there, like Marc's best friend Nik. A few minutes after class had started, Nik stormed in and grabbed his backpack and left the room. I knew something was wrong. A few minutes after that happened, the principal started talking over the schools PA system. She started out saying that tragedy had struck families of Deer Valley, there was a bus accident coming home from a ski trip to Telluride and...Marc Rasmussen, Erica Sheffey, and Jasmine Bowden had died. After those words were spoken my whole body became numb. I didn't know how to react to the news. Do I cry in front of my peers? Do I leave? I just sat there in shock until the bell rang and then I bolted out of class. It was sprinkling and I grabbed my phone to call my mom. As I walk to my third period in the rain, I could barely get the words out to her that Marc had passed away. Everyone close to these individuals were leaving the school or going to find friends to console in. I left my third hour and went to find Ryan while I waited for my mom to come get me.

I got home and just sat on the couch and cried. I couldn't believe he was gone. I couldn't grasp the idea that I wasn't going to see him everyday in class, hang out with him, he wouldn't be there to walk across the stage at graduation, and so much more. Later that night, every news station was covering "The tragedy at Deer Valley High School". I said I wanted to watch, but as soon as they showed a picture of him, I lost it. I was getting texts that a few people were going to the gym that night to make little memorials. I was skeptical of going, but figured I would regret it if I didn't. I didn't go to school the next day and barely wanted to the day after that. The counselors were going around talking to all the classes that Marc, Erica, and Jasmine were in offering their help and ideas of how to deal with the situation. I know it is their job, but I felt if I needed to talk to someone, it would be my family or friends who were going through the same loss.

The rest of senior year was different. Going to school everyday with the constant reminder of his empty parking spot, empty desk, no crazy story was hard. I didn't even want to think about how graduation was going to be. I was dreading the ceremony and how he should have been there. It just wasn't fair. Why him? Why did this have to happen at all?

Marc and I had become friends our sophomore year of high school because of a mutual friend. There were many random nights of hanging out, playing hide-and-go-seek at Aubrey's house when he wore a skirt because our team color was teal, coming over after school to eat my food (ha), stealing my scarf and asking for a massage in math class,  having a water fight IN my car and more. Marc and I got really close during spring break of sophomore year. We spent almost every day together and one day he came over saying he needed me to make him a sandwich because he was losing feeling in his left arm. I didn't believe him until he showed that he couldn't pick up his drink. That Sunday night, he text me that he was in the hospital and needed to have brain surgery. Of course I was worried, but I was happy that he knew he could confide in me. My mom and I made a goody basket for him and brought it down to the hospital the next day with continued visits once the surgery was done. He liked to hang out outside and have me push him around in his wheelchair. No matter what the situation, he always knew how to make me laugh.

I still don't understand why God needed Marc so bad. I still needed him here, his family still needed him here, he had so much left to do. It hurts, but I know he is in a better place. He has no more suffering and is an angel watching over his loved ones.